If you would call yourself a “people pleaser,” then you are certainly not alone.
It is natural to want to be liked by others and avoid conflict, but many find it’s easy to fall into the people-pleasing trap. Always putting others’ needs before your own can lead to stress, burnout and resentment toward others.
Follow these tips to protect your mental health and keep positive relationships.
The first step is self-awareness. Take some time to reflect on times when you wish you had told someone “No” or how it made you feel when you took on too much for someone else. This will help you to identify your people-pleasing tendency next time it comes up, so you can resist it in the moment.
Then identify what your limits are. Prioritize what’s important to you — whether that’s family, free time, self-care, work or something else. Decide what you feel comfortable doing and what would cross that line. Setting strict boundaries will help you to protect your own well-being without feeling guilty.
Perhaps the most important step is also the most difficult one: communicating your boundaries. For best results, tell others in a clear and assertive — but still respectful — manner. Be consistent in enforcing your boundaries, even when people try to pressure you.
Remember that saying “No” is not selfish. It is an act of self-respect. Build confidence in your ability to tell others no by first doing so in low-stakes situations, like declining a casual invitation or turning down a small task at work.
Finally, seek support from others. Tell friends or family about your new goal to stop people-pleasing. They can offer encouragement and help you stick to your boundaries. If work-related conflicts continue, try talking to a manager or HR. Consider talking to your doctor or mental health provider if you’re struggling with stress, burnout or tense relationships.
Natalie Peters is the community health educator in the Dallas County Public Health Department.
