The Observant Reader will recall, in days of yore, this writer risking public humiliation each week by offering for the perusal of all my predictions for the upcoming NFL games each week.
The decades-long tradition endured a forced hiatus last season, but has returned, for your consideration, for the 2015 season.
I remind the kind O.R. that the predictions are likely to take shots at any team, at any time, including my own favorite, the cuddly and harmless Bears. The point spreads are provided because they might as well be; the main point is only to illustrate how confident I am in my predicted winner being proved correct.
A final reminder: This is all in fun, so not throwing poison darts in my direction is appreciated in advance.
Here we go …
Thursday, September 10
STEELERS at PATRIOTS, 7:30 p.m., NBC
Pretty Boy Liar will be under center for the Cheaters, and Foxboro (just southwest of Boston) will be full of deniers at full throat. All you really need to know about Pats fans is that they are the same people who root for the Red Sox … BOSTON 34-17.
Sunday, September 13
COLTS at BILLS, 12 p.m., CBS
So Rex Ryan moved upstate? So what? The Bills still do not have a quarterback, while all Indy needs to do is figure out how to win a big game … COLTS 31-13.
PACKERS at BEARS, 12 p.m., FOX
The loss of Jordy Nelson makes Eddie “Cagney and” Lacy even more important to Green Bay. As a Bears fan, I am hoping this is the beginning of the end of the disastrous Cutler era … PACKERS 34-16.
CHIEFS at TEXANS, 12 p.m., CBS
KC does not sparkle in any particular area, but is, rather, simply solid in most areas. Sometimes plain vanilla can get it done, but J.J. Watt and what will be a jacked-up crowd leads me to pick … TEXANS 20-17.
PANTHERS at JAGUARS, 12 p.m., FOX
Simply too much of a talent difference is this battle of the cats … PANTHERS 28-10.
BROWNS at JETS, 12 p.m., CBS
Bernie Kosar and Ken O’Brien: The last time either team had what passed for a reliable starter at quarterback … JETS 13-9.
SEAHAWKS at RAMS, 12 p.m., FOX
The Rams could be sneaky-good in what is going to be their final season in St. Louis; it just will not be obvious this week … SEAHAWKS 20-10.
DOLPHINS at REDSKINS, 12 p.m., CBS
The Dolphin-D should be good enough to stop INT Cousins and gang … MIA 17-13.
SAINTS at CARDINALS, 3:05 p.m., FOX
If Arizona is going to the threat most talking heads suspect they will be, a week one win over a still-good New Orleans team would provide support for the argument … CARDS 27-17.
LIONS at CHARGERS, 3:05 p.m., FOX
Yes, San Diego sewed up David Rivers, but will they still be in San Diego next year? Lions never play well on the left coast … CHARGERS 30-20.
RAVENS at BRONCOS, 3:25 p.m., CBS
This is probably the swan song for Peyton, and it starts with a home loss … RAVENS 24-20.
BENGALS at RAIDERS, 3:25 p.m., CBS
Amari Cooper is the real deal, and if Oakland can run the ball with any efficiency, the Raider passing attack will be deadly … SILVER and BLACK 27-19.
TITANS at BUCCANEERS, 3:25 p.m., CBS
If it were just Mariota vs. Winston, the smart money would be on Marcus. However, Tampa Bay is slightly better on both sides of the ball … BUCS 16-13.
GIANTS at COWBOYS, 7:30 p.m., NBC
What a horrible way to have to end the first Sunday of the season, being forced to watch two teams who, every year, receive too much prime time coverage. Sigh … DALLAS 31-20.
Monday, September 14
EAGLES at FALCONS, 6:10 p.m., ESPN
Philly is, we are told, going to score plenty of points. In facing Atlanta, the Eagles will be playing another team that never leaves up to their hype … PHILA 38-24.
VIKINGS at FORTY-NINERS, 9:20 p.m., ESPN
Minnesota is a real threat for a wildcard slot; San Francisco is in the running for the ‘what the hell happened?’ award … VIKINGS 27-13.
