Are you kidding me? A 5-9 result last week? My third losing effort in 11 weeks? It has never happened before and I hope never will.
Thanksgiving forces us to endure the Lions and the Cowboys. As if it were not going to be tedious enough hearing “Chip Kelly” 5,000 times, the afternoon game will be a slurp-fest about Tony Romo and Scam Newton, my second-least favorite player in the NFL.
Fortunately, the NFL office heard me two years ago when I suggested Chicago vs. Green Bay should be the Thanksgiving prime time game every year, with the host sites switched. The teams should then be mandated to meet in week 15, 16, or 17.
All of this, of course, does not really matter, as Saturday features the Iron Bowl, a holy day for this writer. I will be hoping the Bull Deuce runs for 200 yards and the Tide rolls by at least 20 points.
I will also be hoping Oklahoma loses, Ohio State loses and Iowa wins.
The NFL remains, in my world, what it has been for as long as I can remember: my second favorite brand of football.
I will be picking who I expect to lose (again), so, with that in mind, here we go …
Thanksgiving Games
EAGLES at LIONS, 11:30 p.m., FOX
No reason to see why Detroit should win … LIONS 23-13.
PANTHERS at COWBOYS, 3:30 p.m., CBS
While I would love to see Scam put in his place, it will be even more fun hearing the end of this ridiculous theme that somehow Dallas will rally to make the playoffs … COWBOYS 30-20.
BEARS at PACKERS, 7:30 p.m., NBC
Now that Eddie Lacey appears to be healthy, Chicago is, I am afraid, in big trouble … BEARS 34-17.
Sunday’s Games
VIKINGS at FALCONS, 12 p.m., FOX
Atlanta appears to be less than they once looked to be, but Minnesota disappeared at home in their most important game in years. A toss-up, with the loser being the … VIKINGS 24-20.
RAMS at BENGALS, 12 p.m., FOX
Anyone thinking Cincy will bounce back after two straight losses should be reminded they scored just six points (against Houston!) in their last home game. Luckily for the hosts, this will be a regional broadcast with no pressure on Andy ‘Fold’ Dalton … RAMS 27-17.
SAINTS at TEXANS, 12 p.m., FOX
That Houston defense (see above) makes me think they can take this one … SAINTS 19-13.
BUCCANEERS at COLTS, 12 p.m., FOX
Indy should — should — win handily, but somehow the TB QB threw five TDs last week. That said, I will risk taking the Shoes at home … BUCS 24-10.
CHARGERS at JAGUARS, 12 p.m., CBS
Wait until five minutes after kickoff and you might get a good seat dirt cheap for this yawner … JAGUARS 13-12.
BILLS at CHIEFS, 12 p.m., CBS
Yes, Buffalo’s defense can be good at times, but I just cannot see them winning in KC … BILLS 26-16.
DOLPHINS at JETS, 12 p.m., CBS
I reached into my pocket, thinking to myself “if this quarter has an even numbered year, I will pick Miami to lose” and … DOLPHINS 10-9.
RAIDERS at TITANS, 12 p.m., CBS
Both teams have been very erratic … TITANS 27-26.
GIANTS at REDSKINS, 12 p.m., FOX
Remember when these teams were both Super Bowl threats, and at the same time? If you do, you, like me, are getting old … REDSKINS 23-17.
CARDINALS at FORTY-NINERS, 3:05 p.m., FOX
This is exactly the kind of game Arizona tends to lose, but a win here makes it increasingly difficult for Seattle to catch up … 49ERS 28-14.
STEELERS at SEAHAWKS, 3:25 p.m., CBS
Pittsburgh plays exactly the style of game Seattle has struggled with this year, but … STEELERS 20-17.
PATRIOTS at BRONCOS, 7:30 p.m., NBC *
This game should draw a wide and large national audience. I will not be among them … BRONCOS 31-17.
Monday, November 30
RAVENS at BROWNS, 7:30 p.m., ESPN
This game will struggle to draw a narrow and small national audience. I will not be among them … BROWNS 15-11.
Last week: 5-9. Season: 91-69 (.569)
Picking against the Stillers guarantees a win for them. Thanks! Just as long as your picks don’t stink as they have for the last few weeks, that is!